Kindness Can Kill

Everyone has heard the saying “Kindness can kill”. This past week that little phrase we all grew up with has taken on a whole new meaning for me.

When I came to visit my new home for the first time, I had to check out all the new “spots”. I was given a little run down about the trustworthy people in town and those who I should avoid. I was introduced to Kindness. An older man (about 60 something) who owns a little bar in town where he sells the local gin and sometimes other stuff if there is a big occasion in town. His bar is name “Kindness Can Kill”. The first memory I have of my village is the first night I came and all my new teachers met at Kindness’ bar and we sat outside on a cool night and just talked and got to know each other. We all got a little tipsy and just laughed and laughed. I was so happy and I felt so lucky to have such amazing new friends. I remember Kindness’ smiling face and how happy he was to meet me. When I was permanently posted he was one of the first people I went to go and greet. He was always so welcoming and friendly. I used to go there sometimes after school or on the weekends and we would chat about all sorts of things. Politics, the weather, his children, his life. He was such an interesting man. Other times I’d go there and it was like he knew I was just trying to get away, to find some peace and quiet. We would just sit there and not talk, but still be content with each other’s company. He trusted me to serve myself at his bar and even sell to other people. He was the first one to call me after seeing me on TV for winning the National Best Teacher Award. He was so happy and I could tell he was so proud of me. It brought tears to my eyes to realize how much he cared about me as if I was his own daughter. It’s not just me he cared about though. People here in my little village like to gossip, but I’ve never heard one bad word spoken about him. People rather have nothing but good things to say. I never asked if Kindness was the name his parents gave him or if it was a nickname given because of his loving personality.

Unfortunately, 2013 was not a good year for Kindness… He’s been crippled for a while which requires him to use a crutch to get around, but he was still doing well mentally until he had a stroke back in January. When we heard the news all the teachers organized ourselves to visit him in the hospital. It was heartbreaking. His speech was so slurred you could barely understand what he was saying but seeing us all there for him brought tears to his eyes. A few days later he was back home, but things were different. He could barely get around anymore, his motor skills were seriously damaged, and speaking was a strenuous task. Over time his speech and motor skills improved but his mobility was seriously limited. In April his wife gave birth to twin boys. One passed away during delivery and the other passed away a few weeks later. He had changed since I first met him. His eyes showed a sadness that broke my heart. As tragic as that was life went on because it has to, but he was different from when I first met him. The worst was yet to come though…

On November 19^th, 2013, Kindness was taken from this world. I was in school and his daughter (who is a student of mine) came with another friend to call me. The boy said she had something to tell me, but she wasn’t able to talk. Finally he spoke up and he said Fo (term used in front of an adult male’s name) Kind died. My jaw dropped. I couldn’t speak. I felt my legs go weak. They explained that his wife had gone to market that day and someone went to their house to buy something before they found him on the floor. I called another teacher who is also very close with him and started to explain everything as I felt the tears rising up in my eyes. My legs were shaking and I felt like something was squeezing my lungs. He left behind many biological children and those he took care of even though they weren’t his. Four of them are still in primary school. That was the most troubling thought for me.

It’s strange how someone can come into your life and then in a flash they are gone from this world forever. No warning. No chance to say goodbye. No photographs to remember their smiling face. Only your memories which seem to grow fuzzy when you really want them. Can’t help thinking that I should have visited more. I should have told him I cared about him, but I know deep down that he already knew that. Kindness was suffering towards the end of his life and I know in my heart he’s in a better place now because he was an amazing father to his children and a wonderful friend. He lived a good life and always did the best that he could for his family. It seems Kindness can kill though. I can still hear his jovial voice brimming with excitement when he sees us entering the bar.

When you lose someone who was special to you it really makes you appreciate life and those around you. Don’t pass up the next opportunity you have to tell those you care about that you love them. Visit them as often as possible. Most importantly, don’t forget to take a mental picture of their smiling face so that when they do leave this world, you’ll always keep a part of them in your heart.

Rest in perfect peace, Kindness. You have made my experience here in Ghana precious and I will never forget you.